We’re proud to announce the forthcoming launch of our new family-oriented camping magazine called Family Camping Magazine. It took many hours in stressful think tanks full of highly-paid writers to come up with this compelling magazine name, but we feel it really captures the essence of our family camping magazine about family camping. For example, can you believe we almost called it Family and Camping Information in Magazine Form or Family Tick and Chigger Enthusiast Monthly? These were both Steve’s ideas. Steve’s been let go.

Within it’s pages you’ll learn many family camping “life hacks” that will make your family…

Making French toast is extremely easy especially if you’re French. If you’re not French but just a cultural-appropriating monster who would like to take advantage of a long-established culinary history you had no hand in creating for your own selfish (and tasty) desires, then read on.

1. Get Some Toast

It is extremely difficult — almost impossible — to make French toast without toast, which I can attest to after a failed attempt at making French tortillas.* Unfortunately, it’s hard to find toast anywhere unless you count frozen toast (yes it exists) which is an abomination and affront to food…

I got lost with my girlfriend one night in Waco, Texas. Roads were deserted. No people. No cars. Then a ghost helped me find my way.

This was around 2003 or so. My band Plow Monday had a gig at a venue in Waco I now can’t remember the name of. The venue was a two-story stone building with a performance stage and bar on the second floor. It was not very far off Interstate 35. Perhaps two turns at most: a left off the highway, through a few lights, then another left, and there it was. …

If you’ve spent any time around me then you’re well aware that in the early 2000’s I hung out with Stone Temple Pilots in their private rehearsal studio. I’ve probably regaled you with this tale so many times that you try to hide when you see me coming. You probably think to yourself, “Oh shit, here comes Clif ‘I Hung Out with Stone Temple Pilots’ Haley! I better go get a root canal right this second!” Well, guess what. There’s another part to this story you’ve never heard! Oh, you have? The part about how I almost met Nelly Furtado…

Like you, my favorite food in the entire world is ramen (from the ancient Japanese word “ramen” meaning “more sodium per teaspoon than an entire livestock salt block”). Unfortunately, like almost every delicious thing humans actually enjoy eating, it is extremely unhealthy for you when consumed in its most popular form: pre-packaged block of ramen with a “flavor packet” of dehydrated broth dust and enough salt to tan several mammoth hides.

Other Threats to Humanity We Can Fight Against

Despite the mass suffering COVID-19 has inflicted upon the United States, one good thing it has done is proven that, like America’s Greatest Generation before us who selflessly sacrificed everything to ensure a mostly Nazi-free future without evil and tyranny, so too can our generation step up to overcome a great challenge by bitching about wearing masks, watching a lot of Netflix, and increasing our intake of delivered preprepared meals. The sacrifices we have all made should be applauded and I think we all deserve, from a safe distance and with the…

This was originally published in an issue of the Austin-American Statesman newspaper’s XL Ent entertainment magazine on April 22, 1999!

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In my opinion, 90 percent of the people who get hit by trains every year deserve to get hit by trains. I simply cannot conceive of any justifiable reason for someone to be hit by a train (unless, of course, you’ve just upset the Don of your specific Mafia by losing 200 pounds of Persian white heroin in a game of craps with a well-trained Great Dane on a nationally syndicated variety show like “The Wink Hendershot Monkeys Spinning…

We had an old gas grill taking up room behind our shed, so I got creative with it. No, I didn’t choreograph an interpretive dance routine with it, I turned it into a fire pit! This is a DIY project that pretty much anyone can do provided they follow these short simple steps.

1) Buy a Gas Grill — This step is vital as it is difficult — almost impossible — to turn an old gas grill into a fire pit without an old gas grill. The trick, however, is that most grills you find in stores are brand new…