Clif Haley – Medium

2 days ago

10 UNBELIEVABLE Facts About America

#1 If you turn off the lights and say “Murica!” three times, when you turn the lights back on, Thomas Jefferson will appear and present you with a coupon for $5 off at the nearest Cracker Barrel restaurant (only one per patriot allowed.) #2 While fireworks may have been invented by the…

Humor

2 min read

Sep 16

Meet the Team of PLNN: the Patriotic Liberty News Network

Chet Maverick Lead Reporter Chet Maverick is a patriot and a journalist. When he’s not absentmindedly murmuring the Pledge of Allegiance under his breath, he spends his time staring at a framed photo of the Bill of Rights in his office and teaching his wife how to pray for forgiveness. Barbara Winchester Lead Woman…

Satire

2 min read

Meet the Team of PLNN: the Patriotic Liberty News Network

Sep 5

BREAKING: “Golf Ball-Sized Hailstone” Officially Adopted as Scientific Unit of Measurement

An announcement by the Scientific Coalition of Universal Measurements (SCUM) to adopt “golf ball-sized hailstone” as an official scientific unit of measurement shook the scientific community to its core* today. I sat down with SCUM’s director, Dr. Winston Tugshaft, to learn more. ME: Based on this new development, how large…

Humor

2 min read

BREAKING: “Golf Ball-Sized Hailstone” Officially Adopted as Scientific Unit of Measurement

Sep 3

Failed Fishing at the Family Hunting Cabin

With the Texas outdoor temperatures finally dropping out of Fahrenheit ranges typically only used to melt industrial steel, I decided to get back to nature by spending the weekend with my brother out at our old family hunting cabin situated in the Texas Hill Country near the Pedernales* River. Despite…

Camping

3 min read

Failed Fishing at the Family Hunting Cabin

Mar 25

CONSERVATIVE POV: New Study PROVES DemoRats Have IQs Lower than APES!

CONSERVATIVE POV: New Study PROVES DemoRats Have IQs Lower than APES! Hate to break it to all you libtards, but I’ll use small words so your feeble brains can comprehend: science man say you dumb dumb. That’s right. According to Dr. Adolf Brooker of the Conservative Institute of Science & Animal Husbandry, people who identify as Democrats have lower IQs than many apes, including the notoriously lunk-headed Chi Chi the Monkey Boy from the classic 50s sitcom Joanie Loves Chi Chi.

Satire

2 min read

CONSERVATIVE POV: New Study PROVES DemoRats Have IQs Lower than APES!

Hate to break it to all you libtards, but I’ll use small words so your feeble brains can comprehend: science man say you dumb dumb.

That’s right. According to Dr. Adolf Brooker of the Conservative Institute of Science & Animal Husbandry, people who identify as Democrats have lower IQs than many apes, including the notoriously lunk-headed Chi Chi the Monkey Boy from the classic 50s sitcom Joanie Loves Chi Chi.

Mar 9

Alternate McDonald’s Golden Arches Around the World (But Mostly in the United States)

McDonald’s was founded at some point in the past by restaurateur brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald who had a vision to revolutionize the way people developed type 2 diabetes. In order to help their new brand catch on they knew they would need a captivating logo that was both easy…

Satire

3 min read

Alternate McDonald’s Golden Arches Around the World (But Mostly in the United States)

Jan 10

Daily Journal: June 16, 1998

The itch is getting really, really bad now but I’m too embarrassed to go to the doctor! I will DEFINITELY wash the next pair of underwear I buy from a guy on the street! I guess I’ve learned a few things, though. Namely, A) ‘Fruit of the LOAM’ is NOT…

Journal

1 min read

Jan 3

Ricky Tango, Hawson’s Bovinery Hoof Rendering Floor Supervisor (Fiction)

Hi. My name is Ricky Tango. I work at Hawson’s Bovinery in Teet, TX. Here at Hawson’s Bovinery we do everything that can possibly be done with a cow and all under one roof. We got a machine that shaves flank steak off the bone right next to a machine…

Fiction

3 min read

Dec 27, 2021

A Few Words on the Economy

Originally published November 23, 2004 I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the American economy lately. Specifically about that part of the American economy that involves my wallet, because that specific part has recently become what we in economic circles refer to as “empty.” There are a lot of…

Humor

3 min read

Dec 20, 2021

“Gourmet” Sandwiches

Originally published November 18, 2004 I just had Subway for lunch and I was once again surprised at how much it didn’t suck. I was never really a big fan of Subway sandwiches back before their big make over; before they decided to sell meats made from animals that actually…

Food

3 min read