Clif Haley – Medium

Published in The Haven

·Mar 1

LASIK: A Visionary Vision for the Future of Your Vision

Tips that may help you enjoy, and possibly survive, your LASIK procedure — If you’ve been thinking about getting LASIK eye surgery to correct your vision but are nervous about the procedure, don’t worry. There is really nothing to fear. LASIK is an extremely efficient and simple procedure that merely involves strapping your head down to a table in a darkened room and…

3 min read

LASIK: A Visionary Vision for the Future of Your Vision

3 min read

Feb 28

Weekly Science Monthly Magazine

Your weekly dose of science every month. — Here at Weekly Science Monthly we take science very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that we often get into arguments over which one of us takes science the most seriously. Clearly it’s me, since I’m here writing about our esteemed publication while Dr. …

1 min read

Weekly Science Monthly Magazine

1 min read

Published in MuddyUm

·Feb 19

Boredom & The Climate Crisis

How yawn-generated CO2 emissions will destroy 5 zillion plankton by Wednesday — NOTE: In an effort to avoid contributing further to the damaging effects boredom-induced yawn-generated CO2 emissions are having on Earth’s climate, we here at Serious Science Journal Monthly have attempted to make this article as entertaining as possible. Hey party people! You know what time it is?! It’s super fun…

3 min read

Boredom & The Climate Crisis

3 min read

Published in The Haven

·Feb 8

Queasy Rider: How to Survive Riding a Motorcycle by Going Very, Very Slow

Get your motor idling! — For some unknown reason, despite thoroughly cleaning out my ears daily, every morning my right ear appears to have been used as Madame Tussaud’s scrap bucket overnight. …

3 min read

Queasy Rider: How to Survive Riding a Motorcycle by Going Very, Very Slow

3 min read

Jan 21

Random Acts of Literary Stupidity №2

One-off stupid thoughts on various topics. — “It’s taken millions of years of evolution for June bugs to develop the ability to evade predators by flying directly into walls until they beat themselves senseless and die.” - Darwin or possibly Einstein Pro used car shopping tip: The larger the used car salesman’s pinky ring, the better the…

2 min read

Random Acts of Literary Stupidity №2

2 min read

Jan 21

I Almost Cut My Hand Off With a Meat Cleaver

Or, saving valuable body parts by avoiding corn and spiders. — The summer before my freshman year in high school, circa late 1980-something, I almost cut my hand off with a meat cleaver. I’m sure I did many other things that summer, many things that didn’t involve losing important chunks of my anatomy, but this is the event that sticks out…

3 min read

I Almost Cut My Hand Off With a Meat Cleaver

3 min read

Jan 7

Random Acts of Literary Stupidity №1

One-off stupid thoughts on various topics. — I’ve always wanted to be a juggler, but I just have too much other stuff going on. Considering how immature I am, I think I’m qualified to make a plea on behalf of all children this holiday season: Please don’t give us (I mean, children) presents in gift bags. We…

2 min read

Random Acts of Literary Stupidity №1

2 min read

Published in MuddyUm

·Dec 9, 2022

Retail Chain Launches Fleet of Robot Customers to Automate Bullshit Demands on Staff

Prime Directive: Attempt purchase return without receipt — Big box retail chain Glutmart announced today via company-wide memo that they will be automating bullshit demands on staff with the help of a fleet of high-tech robots. Through hours of rigorous machine learning, these robots have fine-tuned their AI’s sensors and grommets to perform dumbass customer behavior almost as…

2 min read

Retail Chain Launches Fleet of Robot Customers to Automate Bullshit Demands on Staff

2 min read

Published in The Haven

·Dec 9, 2022

I Regret to Inform You that Mr. Rogers has Denied Your Request to be His Neighbor

Please, will you NOT be my neighbor? — Dear Timmy, I hope this letter finds you well via speedy delivery, however, I fear that after your mother reads this to you, you will probably be very sad. On behalf of Mr. Rogers and all the puppets of The Land of Make Believe, I regret to inform you that…

3 min read

I Regret to Inform You that Mr. Rogers has Denied Your Request to be His Neighbor

3 min read

Nov 26, 2022

I Bought a Vintage Tandy TRS-80 Model 100 Computer for Some Reason

01010100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01110101 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110010 01101111 01100011 01101011 01110011 00100001 — Step one in my profit-losing goal to open a vintage electronics museum (or not) here in Jasper, Texas called JPEG (Jasper Programmable Electronics Gallery)¹ is complete. I just got this Tandy TRS-80 Model 100 in today with some interesting surprise items…

2 min read

I Bought a Vintage Tandy TRS-80 Model 100 Computer for Some Reason

2 min read

Clif Haley

Clif Haley

Sometimes Clif eats pizza with a fork, but usually not. He has somehow managed to get published in MuddyUm, The Haven, & Doctor Funny.

Following

Help
Status
Writers
Blog
Careers
Privacy
Terms
About
Text to speech